This is 40: Reflections on Aging, Presence, and Seizing the Present

Hello Friends, It’s my birthday month – Woohoo!  And it’s a milestone year… Full transparency with you all, I am turning the Big 4-0.  And I’ve got A Lot of pent-up thoughts about this, perhaps 39 years of thoughts, but I shall endeavor to paraphrase.  I’ll share honest reflections about Aging with Grace and my attempts at Mindful Presence, while Seizing the Present Moment.  

Whether you are struggling with growing older, or anxious about the busyness of the upcoming holidays, or would just like to hear another woman’s perspective, read on. I hope there is a takeaway for everyone here.  And bonus, I promise there will be a few laughs along the way.

The Road to 40

I actually started preparing for my 40^th birthday 2 years ago.  And I’m glad I did, because I have a much better attitude about the Grand Day coming up.  Let me briefly take you back in time – to the stressful year of 2020.  I was quarantined with a newborn and a 3-year-old, my body was transitioning to a new phase of womanhood, and I just felt OLD.  I was tired from staying up at night with my baby, I was drained physically from breastfeeding, and I was exhausted emotionally by the current events.  Newborn or not, I am sure you can relate to the difficulties presented in this year.

I dreaded the upcoming 40th milestone.  I wrote extensively about overcoming this life phase, and if you’re ever in a funk, I invite you to read here for some encouragement.  But when I finally emerged from the fog, and the Pandemic ended, I made 2 promises to myself. 

Birthday Vow #1

First, I vowed never to repeat the words, “I Am Old,” anymore.  I intend to live out the mantra, ‘Age is just a number’.  I’m going to stay active and live the age I want to be, which may not coincide with the age typed on my Driver’s License.  Can I get an Amen?  Now, this does not mean I plan to get botox and imitate the lifestyle of my 20’s.  (Ugh, I shudder at the thought, actually. They were not my best years.)  What I mean by this, is, for example, if I want to go out dancing with my girlfriends, I’m not going to cry off with an excuse, “I’m too old to be out past midnight.”  If I’m in the mood, I’m going to get dolled up and do it.  And maybe I’ll take a nap to prepare, ha.  If my kids ask me to jump with them at the trampoline park, you bet I’m going get out there and practice my toe-touches with them.  Maybe I’ll stretch first…  You get the picture though.  I’m not going to be “too old” for anything that brings me joy. 

Role Model

Let me share a role model with you.  My mother-in-law is 64 years old.  And she astonishes me every time I see her with her physicality and energy.  Sorry to broadcast your age, Cindy, but it is with praise!  This woman runs marathons, plays Pickle Ball, and hops on an airplane to babysit my kids whenever I beg her to.  She is not letting her age drag her down in any way.  Can you recall similar super-heros?  Instead of letting them annoy you, and believe me, I’ve been there, make an attempt to be inspired.  Cindy once told me, the reason she makes a point to keep physically active, is to enjoy as many years as possible keeping up with her grandkids.  And I, and my kids, will be forever grateful for these moving memories.  You go Grandma! 

Commitment

As I wrote earlier, I began this birthday countdown 2 years ago; At age 38, with a post-partum body, I committed to be in my best physical shape possible by 40.  And after a lot of hard work, mostly yoga, I am proud to say that my body is currently the strongest it’s been since my days as a teenage gymnast.  I do not write this to boast. I’m perfectly aware that there exists fitter, more limber middle-age Yogis out there in the world, but I’m not comparing myself to them. If anything, I’m comparing myself to a former version of me. After many years of a less-than-perfect self-image, now I look at my reflection in the mirror with pride in the lines of muscles I’ve created in my limbs, instead of scrutinizing the stomach that never returned flat after giving birth.  

And on that note, I want to emphasize my priority on Strength.  My body is absolutely not the slimmest it’s been in my adult years.  And I am Okay with that.  In the past, I have been thinner when following restrictive diets. But they always left me irritable and malnourished. Today, I have no desire to change my current relationship with food. I am actually very good at practicing Presence with dessert – I eat what I want, when I want, and I enjoy every second of it!

#TreatYoself

A while back, a friend of mine shared how she had herself professionally photographed at age 50 in the sparkliest, fanciest dress.  Alone.  Not with her family or husband.  Just Her, and just because she wanted to.  I remember at the time, thinking it a bit strange.  But now I get it!  And I told my husband how I wanted to do this too.  Not for the sole reason to post here, or on Instagram, but for Me.  A birthday present to myself. Thank you Vision Collective for capturing these memories of me, doing what I love. And shout out to my fabulous 50-year-old friend Brigitte: If you’re reading this, you are Stunning.

Quick side note – please do not misinterpret this personal reflection as a statement that you have to be “in shape” to be proud of your body.  Absolutely not.  I applaud everyone who is able to feel confident in their own skin, overweight, underweight or otherwise.  If you’ve managed that, you’re way ahead of the curve and my hat’s tipped off to you.

Birthday Vow #2

My second birthday vow was to Seize the Moment.  Here’s another lesson learned from the Pandemic: Any place can shut down at any time.  If there’s somewhere you want to go, or a goal you long to accomplish, and it’s within reach now – Do It.  Don’t wait.  A business could close, the country could dissolve, or your moment could pass you by. 

Let me provide an example of how I put this into practice.  Years ago, sadly, decades ago (omg), in my 20s, I attended Yoga classes frequently.   I thought it would be cool to take a course and become a Yoga Teacher.  And I am KICKING myself I didn’t do it.  I would have had so much more time to dedicate to my craft then, and I would be a much better teacher now because of it.    

Oh, how I long for the ‘time’ I didn’t think I had in my 20s.  And the energy.  Alas, wisdom doesn’t climax in this decade, and I let my career, financial worries, and other things take precedent. 

Then came marriage, and babies, and a whole new world of worries.  There was even less time for yoga.  Enter in The Quarantine, and all the studios closed.

Luckily, life offers second chances.  And Yogis are innovative!  A lovely yoga studio called I Heart Yoga offered outdoor, socially distanced yoga.  I will always laugh at the memory of loading my 9-month-old and mother-in-law in the car, driving do Dana Point while simultaneously pumping breastmilk, handing over said bottle to feed him, then donning my face mask and leggings, and resuming my yoga practice, while discreetly moving ants off my mat in Down Dog.  Did anyone experience this too?  Thank God we’re back in the temperature controlled, insect-free studio!

But even with all these hindrances, at the end of that first class, something clicked.  I remembered that spark I felt in my 20s.  A yearning to dive deeper into Yoga and a desire to teach and evangelize this incredible experience to others. 

I vowed that moment, when the world re-opened, no matter my obligations and parental fatigue, I would make the time to take a Teacher Training course.  And in the Fall of 2021, I did! 

Carpe Diem

And the incredible thing about a spark, is that it develops into flame.  I felt a burning desire to Do More, that I hadn’t felt in a while.  I composed a Bucket List of everything I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime.  This list currently contains random goals from professionally recording a duet with my daughter, to completing a home-building mission trip in Africa with my son, to taking Capoeira dance lessons… just for fun. 

What’s on your Bucket List?  Is it within your reach today, this month?  If you’re needing a gentle reminder, I’ve got one for you – Carpe Diem, my friend, Seize the Day and make it happen! 

I recall all the times I said, “that would be cool to do.”  And instead of leaving it at that, as a passing thought, I now document it in writing.  I am currently manifesting these events to happen, someday. 

The Problem with Presence

Now, let me place an emphasis on Currently and Someday.  This is the world I live in now.  The True Challenge of this next life phase has presented itself.  How can I live in the Present Moment, and Seize the Moment?  How can I experience Presence, or contentment in today, while anticipating events that will bring me joy tomorrow? 

I have to admit to you, I don’t have all the answers.  But I’m proud to say, that on the eve of my 40^th birthday, I believe I’m asking the right questions.  I am reminded of this comforting quote,

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves…Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them, and the point is to live everything.  Live the questions now.” 

Ranier Maria Reilke, Poet

Oh, if we could only explain this to the younger version of ourselves, right?  I spent my 20s asking, “How can I pay off my student debt?  When will I get promoted?”  I spent my 30s asking, “When will I be able to afford a home?  How is it possible to work and parent?” 

Now, instead of plaguing myself with worry and doubt, I ask, “How can I be satisfied in present moment?” Certainly, a challenge sometimes, while trying to convince a screaming 3-year-old after he wets himself, to remove his favorite pajamas.   Or “How can I uplift my community?”    Definitely a trial, when I’m so annoyed with the barrage of media about corrupt leaders and worse, the people who support them, that make me want to hibernate in my home.  And of course, there is the existential human mystery, “What is my Purpose?”  But these last three are the questions I can actually look forward to living out, instead of being impatient to resolve.  Most days, anyway. 

As I ponder the idea of Presence this month, I’ve been reflecting on a metaphor of the Circle. 

“Life is a Circle.  The End of one Journey is the Beginning of the Next”  

Joseph M. Marshall III, The Journey of Crazy Horse: A Lakota History

I mean, I went to the dentist last month, and not only did they tell me I had needed a crown, they told me I needed to replace a crown.  The crown I had in my 20s, is now falling apart, and I need a new one. Yup, Full Circle!  I’m on third generation molars, over here.    

But in all seriousness, here it is.  I am ending the journey of my 30s, and entering my 40s.  I may be approaching a turn of the circle with more facial wrinkles, and scheduled mammograms (ugh), but I’m leaving a phase of self-centered worry and miss-placed priorities.   With a little luck, maybe I’m embarking on a journey toward my True Purpose.  And if I’m not quite sure what that means for me, or what the Creator has in store for my future, I am beginning to realize that it’s Okay.  In my best moments, I can find meaning and contentment in the present, while looking forward to the future. 

Practical Tips

So, this post turned out to be a bit more reflective of myself than my typical writings, but thank you for indulging me in this pivotal birthday month.  But before I sign off, I will leave you with some practical takeaways to promote presence in whatever stage of life you’re traversing currently. 

1. Yoga – This month in my classes, we’re expanding on the theme of a Circle with a sequence that forces us to face all four walls of the studio.  We remove the reflection and guidance (or hindrance) of the front mirror, which in turn, allows us to listen and draw our focus inward to enter into and deepen our postures.  And it’s so fun.  Come take a class!
2. Crown Chakra – I encourage you to consider the benefits of exploring your Crown Chakra energy.  This is the center of our spirituality, wisdom, and universal consciousness.  Feel free to read more about chakra energy here.  Some ideas to hone this energy is to wear or visualize the color purple, hold amethyst gemstones, sit quietly and focus your thought on one topic, or meditate. 
3. Gratitude – Resume or begin a gratitude journal.  Tis the season, after all!  Set a goal of writing down one aspect of your life you’re thankful for every day.  Then return to your journal to read those writings when you feel less than 100%. 
4. Bucket List – While you have your journal out, write your own lifetime To Do List.  Maybe even organize it into categories, Now, 5 years, 10 years and plan baby steps to make these goals a reality. 

I truly hope you all can carve out a moment this month to take in the beauty of the Present, while creating exciting plans for the future.  And I would love to hear your wildest Bucket List item in a comment below.  Maybe I’ll add it to mine.  Blessings!